Tell me again, why do I need one of these things?

Smaller On The Outside

Little-b: half woman, half insect, all fangirl

hugh house

Intergalactic Cross Stitch Queen and Fabricator of Fan Fic.


April 15th, 2014

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nightcrawler: sleeping
I am very sleepy... z... z... z...

buzzy dreams of eclectic sheep

I had to say that , sorry

April 13th, 2014

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hcl: billy reads
I had upped the meds (again) but that really pushed me way out. Jumpy, borderline suicidal (if I die then everyone will have to like me)(but I suck at everything and I don't fancy the options) and generally fucked up and a bit out of it. So now I'm downing the meds again, which should reset my dial to a "functional" setting. Apparently, I sound better and have less "absences" (then pre-new-meds) even if I feel a bit ropey and dopey on them. Currently (as I type) I feel a bit wha?! and wonky. It feels like my cochlea is hosting some kind of disco (though it has not sent out invites on facebook) but the wedding kind of disco when only the kids are on the floor and the dj is trying to find something moochy, mushy and meaningful for the First Dance.

Hey, extended metaphors, I must be feeling better.

April 11th, 2014

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callum keith rennie vamped maybe
The sun has gone for now and I feel cold.

Physical and emotional.

April 10th, 2014

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hugh huh (twitch)
Hey... I've upped my brain meds today... the screen is being strange... otherwise okay, see you all soon, love buzzy

April 9th, 2014

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callum and hugh
Uhm, I had "work" today. [I'm a volunteer in the "Heritage Industry"] and it was mostly boring. Even if there were a couple of chatty "customers" who wanted to know more about our attraction [including the big holes] and one who wanted to discuss heritage spending in the area [there is none].

The high light: two boys in the dress-up kit waving swords "I stabbed Dale in the nuts!"

April 8th, 2014

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twitch: newbie light
I've gone to "work". I've come back from "work". Now I am very very tired.

Score of the day: Talking to German Customers in German* and getting complimented on it. They tend to really "wow" when I point out that I studied it in secondary school and that was 12 years ago.

I feel pretty pleased with myself about this.

I now just need to have ONL in hearing range (and prove there are things I am super good at) and stop him and his SPEAK VERY CLEARLY AND SLOWLY SO THEY UNDERSTAND approach to modern foreign languages. [I am not kidding] And I would like extra people to talk to more than I appreciate more ONL!reports to type.

Last night: Spooky and I came up with the idea of a pool league for people who can't play pool. Spooky's father looked on with a distressed look. I am a pool disaster - enough said.

Also: We looked for some apps for my lovely new tablet (from Aldi) and I spent a lot of time looking at the permissions these things demand and looking horrified. Seriously, EA, if you think I am giving you my email contacts book (i.e. giving you my password and access to my account) then you deserve everything you have coming to you.

Also: Spooky is still demonstrating that CAKE is better than DEATH, especially when it has a chocolate ganache and sprinkles

* I don't mean "here is your ticket"

April 6th, 2014


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planetary: elijah
Uhm, the brain hateth me. *ouch*

Work on Friday was okay, if boring. We had many many more customers than usual, which made things a bit more exciting than my copy of Take A Break (a magazine with Real Life stories such as "This Pork Pie Ruined My Marriage" and "Strangled at Seven Months" [Pregnant] and "Why We Are Losing Our Angels") and resulted in maths (and money!). And, uhm, that's it.

It has come to this: I am having a day-by-day pill organiser box. I'm not sure how much I can show the amount of Don't Want. Don't Want I'd like to believe that I am competent enough to deal with my own meds (especially since there is not a lot I am allowed to "deal with" myself as every one around me is "we don't want to worry" and "well, it's happened before" and... I hate it so much. I'd like to go out by myself (but I'm not safe in traffic)... (what if you have an attack?)... or play computer games after dark (your seizures happened at the computer)...etc

*fails* *suck* *meep*

In other news: hair cut! pills up! "you _are_ taking the right ones, aren't you? buzzy?"

If you were wondering:

a) story one was about a riot at a wedding staring with an angry woman who punched the mother of the groom after somebody (under the age of ten) hit her with a ballistic buffet item.
b) somehow this woman stayed with her violent English Defence League boyfriend with a Heil Hitler tattoo because he "wasn't really a bad person". He just beat up his girlfriends when they were expecting, forced them to have abortions or just kicked/punched them until they miscarried. Fortunately, this woman escaped and had her baby.
c) three children with horrible genetic disease and their parents.

April 3rd, 2014

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frannie yellow
today I have been total efficiency buzzy.

[so much house stuff done!]

so my brain is bound to crash tomorrow when I am "working" for six hours

[short notice but highly inconvenient staff sickness thing]

and I still have to see my doctor at dark-o-clock

and my hairdressing appointment is now my lunch break


April 2nd, 2014

Yesterday seemed to exist only to suck and remind me of my memory gaps. It didn't help when ONL went into inquisition mode and I ended up feeling that he feels that I am incompetent in the face of work fail. Also, due to memory suck and brain, I couldn't really string things together well enough to explain.

Today exists to bore me rigid at "work" and give me a to-do list written by my boss. I've also got a new extra day there due to staffing chaos, otherwise known as "what happens when one key volunteer nearly has a heart attack and can't come back to work -- at extremely short notice?" I think one of the other guys is trying to boost my self-esteem but I end up feeling really awkward.

Also, instant porridge in a pot tastes exactly as you think it would: hot muesli and milk powder. Texture-wise it feels like Chinese restaurant chicken and sweetcorn soup. This is incongruously familiar and strangely disturbing.

"On my travels" Smith's had a £1 book box so I am now possessor of "Far from the Sodding Crowd" - a rather fascinating book featuring all the tourist attractions you have never thought of. It is really good and I'm trying to keep from reading it the whole way through (so I have something to read when back at "work" for my new shift) but it is very alluring. If you want to visit "cuckoo land" (the world's largest cuckoo clock museum), the Yelverton Paperweight Centre or the Bubble Car Museum, this is your kind of book. I really should go and have a look at the Margate Shell Grotto (the nearest place, which, scandalously I have never visited).

March 31st, 2014

adventures in cooking

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ckr: fear is negotiable
Uhm, geek nite could be interesting. I volunteered to do the cake. My result was a chocolate brownie thing where the crunchy top decided to de-laminate from the undercooked underneath which had attached itself intimately to the greaseproof paper lining. My advice is that you check you have the right size cake pan (which I hadn't anticipated) and then use a pyrex instead. I think the thickness of the glass stopped the heat going through fully. So, I have a plate of crunchy goo which is going nowhere. I did try to cut it into a presentable shape and was hoping that I could hide it under enough butter cream as possible, but (besides the chaos which is me with a blender and icing sugar) I couldn't get it off the bloody plate again. So now we have some Morrison's danishes and a chocolate sponge. I am getting a bit twitchy and anxious about all this now...

the other irony is that I am taking it to the Spooky One who has previously produced the green pulsating muffin. The other other irony is that I can't just shovel it into my brother. He doesn't do chocolate things.

oh, and I got my new shirt from teefury (who rock) and post things nicely. Post person trying to scrunch it up enough to fit it through the letter box is not so nice (and bloody fucking lazy). We are always in and he knows so (we take the outsize mail for four different neighbours) and it is annoying.
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