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Tell me again, why do I need one of these things?

*points to icon* All fear is not negotiable. Uh. I've got big D…

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ckr: fear is negotiable
*points to icon* All fear is not negotiable. Uh. I've got big D depression and big A anxiety. These are not very nice because they do horrible things with big S big E self-esteem. I've spent so long hiding from people (RL and otherwise) because I am so scared that people will not like me and see what a boring pathetic person I really am.

Right now, writing this, I am freaking terrified. Now I just need to get the juice to actually talk to the RL people (which I haven't done since Christmas - same as on here) and it feels like the odds are even scarier and... dangerous.

I got a lot of "but you're good at ____" from my friends. They wanted to make me feel better about myself but most of the blank _____ things are things I can't/don't do anymore. Sometimes (mostly I think) because of RL problems. I can't collect comics anymore because I moved "home" in 2006 and had no means of getting them (so I can't "can you rec me some new comics" doesn't work) and my writing is dead* (I just can't make it work - I suspect my meds, a lot of "creative" has fallen away) and my cross-stitch grove (I've not pulled together enough since winter 2015 when everything broke and am so scared of Getting It Wrong and Not Using the Right Threads) is not grooving. And I really have been in stasis since 2006 - same volunteer job, same lack of self esteem, same lack of "outside" life... I just feel like there isn't a lot of "me" left.

So. I should start contacting people again. (D and S E say I'm already a communication fail and that they don't deserve a six-month communication fail in their lives). On the up side: I have finally sorted my comic collection.

* ETA: I think this has a lot to do with a med change. It would make sense. Even my sims houses are boring and stereotypical layout wise. No more connecting floors using slides etc.
  • Hey *hugs you*

    This is a good first step. Do what you can, when you can, that's all you can ask of yourself hun.

    Give me a shout if there's anything I can do to help.
  • {{{Hugs}}} I'm glad to see you posting. But I'm sorry to hear you're having such a hard time with Depression and Anxiety. Those are whopper pains in the ass and hard things to tackle. I hope things get better for you.
  • Hey you - good to see a post, but sorry you are struggling (((((you)))))
  • *hugs* Glad to see you here again, although I'm sorry that you're not doing so well. But we'll still be here for you. <3
  • May I get an "H"? A "U" and a "G"? :3
    I am sorry you are having a tough time. :( are your new meds not working or does it need transition time?
    And don't worry about being boring. Trust me, if i wrote out my life lately it would be beyond boring. There are only so many times a person can write an entry that goes something like this : "Stared at wall. Watched some youtube videos. Tried playing the ukulele. Ate some crackers. Cried myself asleep in my pajamas." This is part of why I haven't written new updates.
  • I have gotten so much joy out of reading your posts over the years, especially your dS fic and meta and recs. I wish that now while you are feeling all kinds of blah I could send some of that joyful feeling around to you.

    *hugs*
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