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What kind of criminal moron steals the tile cladding off Grandma's…

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hugh house
What kind of criminal moron steals the tile cladding off Grandma's front porch? Twenty plus year old cladding, coming to that. It's been there for my life-time and last time I looked it hasn't been fashionable for that long either.

For that matter, how the hell are we meant to patch it up? The whole front is covered in the stuff (it looks quite nice, actually) but I doubt we can just go out and pick some up from [wholesalers]. Bbd has gone to investigate. I don't know how bad it is, but I'm thinking tears before bedtime. There's more issues, but they're things I don't want to explain.

UPDATE! bbd reports that they've taken down the top layer of the tiles so they could nick the lead flashing. What kind of morons would climb about, take down lots of tiles, and remove a load of flashing that has a scrap value of two pints of beer down the pub?


To think, the only angry thing yesterday was that the Daily Mail should stop using facebook comments as "research" or quick-buck drama.

Can I have an intimidating Hugh, please?


*For benefit of Americans, porch as in little anteroom not as in weird decking structure. No patio furniture, just potted plants and shaggy rugs.
  • Don't be too angry and don't waste your tears on those idiots. I don't have any idea why anyone would steal that, but sometimes, people are just out of their minds.
    I am sorry, I can't help you with anything intimidating - I am usually laughed at if I try to be.
    Hope that your dad is going to be successful.
    • It's just mindless. It's not like nicking lead off church roofs, there's money in that. What the hell would you do with some extremely rough brown tiles? And if you can think of something, surely you'd need more than that.

      I don't do intimidating very well, either.

      I doubt there is any success in this. If they're gone, then we're not going to get them back and the police would probably not be terribly interested either.

      Are you still in Germany? Met nice Swiss lady at party on Friday.
    • Nope, I am in the land of chocolate and cheese. I will however be in Germany from Friday to Monday morning (yay for that!). What was the lady doing there in addition to being nice? ;)
      Perhaps, some people do pointless things only to show us that WE are still sane. I don't know. I can however go along with you in assuming that the police won't be too interested in that. In a children's detective story however, this would be the tip of a huge complot in the neighborhood which needs to be solved by you and your Diefenbaker ;)
      • The lady was at the party talking snow with bbd and getting the low-down on the kids who used a very steep road for sledging and an even steeper bank for grass sliding. bbd was one of the kids and lino is ideal.

        There was pineapple and cheese on sticks - it was very classy ;-)

        Well, the police know. Mostly, the morons were trying to steal the lead flashing on the flat roof. Uh, sheets of lead that stop the water getting in. They'll be lucky to have got ~ £4 for the stuff.
    • Not only is it an absurdly pointless theft, the amount of effort expended is way out of proportion to the value (if any) of the material stolen.
      • Bbd has come home and they took down the top layer and all of 4-5 quid of lead flashing. It makes marginally more sense. Very marginally.
        • Until recently (when the industrial downturn has reduced scrap metal values), there was an epidemic of thefts of electrical cables and manhole covers.
  • and cladding? I get porch -- but 'cladding' ==> claddagh pattern....
    • Quoth bbd "vertically hung tiles". Think like shingles.

      There is also the horror that is stone-cladding. People who desecrate their "two up two down" with fake rock effect. Googling for examples - I found one half way down this page, which is hideously similar to one in town. Yes, the turquoise one - it looks nicer in the picture.

      It transpires that they've run off with the £5 or so of lead flashing on the porch and the top row of the tiles. They've also wrecked the neighbour's flower bed/trough/trelis combo.

      • Gotcha, and what it makes me ask is -- university prank? 'cause really, this just screams '17 and drunk' in the PTerry sense of frequently the same thing.
        • My alma mater *sigh* - I can't remember any notable modern-day pranks. Except getting the Provost to shave his moustache off. Maybe they are less thought of in these days of tuition fees and statements like "the College retains the right to withold your degree is you are in debt to the College or you commit a disciplinary offense".

          Pretty much the official machinery of the Union was toothless and more interested in voting each other lifetime membership and weakly complaining they didn't have a quorum. Considering they managed to issolate huge sections of the student body, I'm not terribly surprised. If you didn't like certain genres of music or drink muchly, hello, no social events for you.

          (hmm... London Student (newspaper) had more teeth - I just can't remember any pranks appearing in this august organ.

          I think there are a lot more once you get to Oxbridge. Causing mayhem might be more fun if a) everyone expects some "events" and b) the uni won't set the metropolitan police on you.

          So okay, there is something incredibly Pterrian about the whole prank thing. This doesn't surprise me because the Unseen University seems to have ended up vaguely victorian possibly sliding into the early twentieth century -- when you can still bag a position by inhabiting a vacant office and turning up to dinner.

          (Actually, one of my personal tutors was one of the last to pull that off. He also was the person who inquired about the anti-beard bias in the official history recently published and had a nack for translating whatever the provost was saying into real terms...)

          Now, Victorian I can do. There was a notorious rivalry between University College London and Kings College London

          [okay, finishing in a new comment, which shall have actual pranks]
          • Historically (so EQ and other enlightened people tell me) the base cause of the rivalry was religion; UCL was created to take students who would not get into Oxbridge because of catholicism, being Japanese or (a little later) possessing internal genitalia. KCL was created by the Church of England as a rival for UCL, t"he godless institution of Gower Street".

            Personally, I think more excuse than reason.

            Over the years, somebody emasculated Reggie the bronze lion at KCL (some say this is pretty unlikely - investigations of said lion does not support it) and KCL ran off with the UCL "founder's" emblamed head and played football with it down Tottenham Court Road. It also ended up in Aberdeen's lost property office. Which is why it is kept in the vault and only brought out for special reasons.

            [for reasons not to be explored at this juncture, the founder died before UCL existed and had no hand in its construction, regardless of the painting in the library. UCL has a stupid number of facilities named after him and the house wine, mousemats, notecards... that said, I think his statue got reclothed on a semi-regular basis]

            Personally, most of the examples I can think up revolve around sixth-formers (year 13 students) and leaving their former school. Expect chickens in the staff room, cars dismantled and rebuilt in the hall, fish in the ventilation ducts, the entire common room turned upside down with all the furniture and fittings glued to the ceiling (that was shadowkitty and friends).

            I'm sure I should know more of the things, they are pretty darn memorible. At my school, nothing big happened, we were too busy with the Sixth Form Revue. More funny too.
  • How damned annoying! And wtf why? I'm sorry to hear of the upset. Can it be patched up?

    Ironically, your porch w/out patio furniture sounds like something I would call an 'enclosed patio'. Although my memaw called hers the "garden room" which I never understood because the floor was slate tile which is, like, the antithesis of a garden. But there were lots of potted plants, so...well anyway, I was verrrrry literal as a child. I think I lost my point here. Nevermind.
    • It wasn't quite as bad as it could have been - they took the tiles down to nick the lead off the roof. bbd reported it and got onto the roofers, so, semi-yay?

      It's rather on the dark side because the houses are built into the hill, but just imagine the stuffed platypus and as many ornaments as you can get your hands on...
      • Turnbull would feel at home, then?

        • Very much so.

          (agh! read my own fic today, it was the Illinois Roadkill Cookbook, so there is currently a lot of Turnbull in there - well, a Turnbull, I don't think poet!Turnbull is into leather)
  • Apparently there's been quite the epidemic of copper and lead bits being stolen off older buildings in various economically-challenged cities in the US. My brother, who works construction and thus gets scraps of stuff legitimately, collected some along and then brought in a truck-bed load to the scrap metal folks last year. While he was there several people came in with items of questionable purview, including some road signs (!?).
    There has always been a guy or two that came the night before recycling day and picked up cans when everyone put out recycling in our neighborhood, but these days there's several, intent on getting every last one.
    • "economically-challenged" - that's fabulous, it's also a pretty good description of my lovely hometown. Local politicians put both feet in their mouths when they said the economic downturn wouldn't affect us because there is nothing left to lose. *headdesk*
      • Uh, yeah, that's pretty dumb. Things can get particularly interesting when people are desperate.

        Total geek moment: there's this whole thing happening in Detroit, where whole city blocks are basically turning back into meadows and woods, because the old buildings were torn down and not replaced. And interesting shifts in the demographics of the city core and the various suburbs which are really towns in their own right now. And all of this has been happening for the last 20-30 years, and is probably where a lot of the U.S.'s less economically viable cities are heading. Personally I don't think it's an unalloyed bad thing; a lot of the giant mega city/suburb complexes are way too big for their own good, as proven by the hellish commute you have if you try to go anywhere in Southern California.
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