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Tell me again, why do I need one of these things?

I have, today, been under my bed. This might seem a bit pointless to…

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exc: oh dear!
I have, today, been under my bed. This might seem a bit pointless to announce but I have a divan with lift up storage and it is where I keep:
a) a lot of my cross stitch stuff
b) some of my colouring stuff
c) most of my comic collection
and to get to it I need to lift the lid which is underneath my mattress and so underneath all my bedding and stuff and it slides around / falls off / escapes in the night etc. So, I don't actually go in there often, which defies the reason I got it anyway. [I can get to my comics. Yay!]

I ended up hitting some 90s X-Men and god, Scott Lobdell is an awful writer [sorry Scott, if you're reading this it is just my personal feelings and doubtless you are a very nice person] and doesn't seem to get that you can't write an entire comic as cut-scenes - nothing stayed more than four pages before a jump-cut so I had no idea what was going on. Why the hell is Jean sitting on a swing-set crying, why has Warren just accidentally knifed a cop with his wings* and the lady cop ex okay with it, and Hank takes Bishop to see a gun-and-run action movie. Oh and if you missed it, Ororo is brooding in the garden and Logan is falling off the deep end?

Confused? I am. Seriously, if that was the first comic I picked up I'd never have picked up another. When people talk about comics being too hard to pick up, this is pretty much the problem. Even the big sweeping plot arcs of the Claremont 70s/80s era are easier to pick up on.

"Oh. The X-Men are on a spaceship running away from the space locusts. Ugh. Wolverine just said that the things have laid their eggs inside them*. So what is going to happen next? I don't know anything about those kooky kids in the spaceship but I'm sure they're important. Why is a teenage girl dressing up as Darth Vader? "Read the next issue!" it says and I am so going to buy it"

Also I am a huge Claremont fan. Which is why I got flamed and intimidated on my first and last visit to Newsarma. Which didn't (c. 2005) feel like somewhere safe for a woman after dark. I am talking as somebody who did ice-cream runs in central London at 10pm (c. 2005). I like Claremont and I'm proud!

I also haven't regularly read any X-Comics since about 2006, so the last 10 years are something of a mystery to me. Does anybody have a book with space locusts in it?

*The metal ones that Apocalypse gave him but minus the blue skin. If you don't know what or why happened, don't ask. It takes a lot of issues and story lines to explain. Oh hell, why not? Once upon a time, Warren!Angel had a horrible injury, his wings where crushed and probably killing him from blood loss. The team made the call. Warren lost his wings. Warren!Wingless was very unhappy about everything (obviously) and thought he would rather have died. Apocalypse turned up (for the first time) and did his thing: "Warren, your friends don't care about you, they don't understand, your wings are your identity... come to the dark side, we have cookies... I can give you nice new wings and you can fly around happily forever... I just want you to do a little something for me." Cue Warren!Death the brainwashed herald of Apocalypse with wings (as promised) that are made up of metal and feathers are poisonous knives and painted Warren blue... cue Evil!Archangel (Warren is pretty much out of the picture), Archangel Horseman of Death, and the whole cliche appeal to the real Warren who is in there somewhere. Followed by the cliche redemption thing which left us with broody Archangel!Warren who eventually got together with Ninja!Bodyswap!Psylocke (spelling?) and got to carry on to be broody!Warren!Archangel through the 90s. Eventually, somewhen, he stopped being blue and eventually the knife!wings randomly fell off (hurrah!) and his real wings turned out to have grown back protected inside them. Archangel!Warren still continued to be broody than Chuck Austen did his "Nightcrawler's dad is a literal demon" thing and decided to balance this out by giving Warren shiny Special Healing Powers and a barely-legal girlfriend with a history of mental health issues.

** This is basically Alien before Alien happened. They are the Brood and the #1 unwanted guest everywhere
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